The Day I Became a Mother Essay

3327 Words Jul 22nd, 2013 14 Pages
The Day My Life Changed forever

I had been awaiting her arrival for a long 9 months. Saying I was over ridden with joy was an untruth I was afraid to bare, So I put on a smile and pretended that the arrival of my first child was going to be a good experience. Truth be told I knew my life was about to change forever and I wasn't sure I was going to be a good mother. All these doubts running through my mind was almost draining out the pain of the inconsistent contractions in my belly, my head started spinning a little with the what ifs and possibilities of failure heightened by the anticipation of my Daughters arrival. I felt so alone even though I was surrounded by my family, I knew better than anyone that this burden would be mine
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One two three, breath. I opened my eyes and the look of fear on his face was only there for a moment, he quickly smiled with excitement and asked if it was time. I told him yes and that I had been timing the contractions for about 15 mins and they were getting stronger and more consistent. He decided that we were going to the hospital and I called my best friend for a ride. After that everything became very chaotic.

I wasn’t sure which was making me sick the pains from the contractions or the thought of everything that could go wrong. I was about to meet my child and was overcome with fear. I wondered why I wasn’t overjoyed, like other women described with their anticipation. Instead the fear and pain was starting to eat me alive. This burden I could not share with anyone, for fear of judgement. I couldn’t tell my best friend that I truly didn't want to be a mother and that I was sick with the idea of the responsibility. How was I supposed to reveal that this child growing inside of me was more of a burden than a blessing. What women would understand my feelings without judging me, or thinking I am a selfish women. I knew none of them understood because this was my duty as a wife and a woman. I felt guilty for wanting a different life and for thinking of my unborn child as a burden. An innocent life was about to be my responsibility and I wasn't

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