I Don 't Remember Much Of It Essay example

1218 Words Nov 12th, 2015 null Page
I don’t remember much of it. Only a little over one year later and I still don’t know if my lack of memory is from A.) Alcohol. B.) Trauma. Or C.) Not Wanting to Remember. If I was a contestant on Jeopardy, I think I’d pick D.) All of the Above. I remember being shoved in to the upstairs bathroom of a frat house. The click of the door being locked. The smell of cigarettes. Chatting, music, laughter muffled through the door I was banging on, shaking, trying to open. I remember it hurting. I remember enough that I know I’ll never forget it. I remember enough for nightmares. But I don’t remember a name or a face, so I don’t remember enough for remembering to help. When I left the bathroom and went downstairs, my friends were waiting for me, pissed at me for leaving them. We stumbled down the dirty, Allston sidewalk barefoot, holding our heels in our hands, trying to stay upright and avoid broken glass all at once. After a couple silent minutes I finally said something “I think I just lost my virginity.” I immediately started crying, which surprised me. In my head I tried to make sense of what happened. I mean, I’m a pretty cynical girl--I never expected candles, soft violin music, and rose petals. I never even, to be perfectly honest, expected to love or even particularly like the boy I ended up losing my virginity too. In theory, there was no difference between what had happened to me and the random hookup I had emotionally prepared myself for. There was a…

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